Examining the Urge

Got the Angel Bunny done, sealed, and delivered. Have no idea if it brought any money to the orphanage, but it looked nice in its display setting. Steve also donated one of his medium-sized pieces, the one I think looks like our friend Paul. He had to teach last night, so we did not go to the gala. Maybe next year.

The entire day was about running errands in opposite directions, so I had a lot of time to think about art and its place in my life, which is really what this blog is about. I have a very keen sense of the brevity of life. I also have a very keen sense of one's essential solitude. So out of a sense of needing to make the most out of my existence, yet somewhat disconnected from the outside world (deafness will do that), creating and expressing is a powerful drive. It's almost as if I don't sufficiently exist unless I'm impacting my will or self upon my surroundings or an object or a painting.

Some people I've known wish to leave their mark on the world, to leave behind proof of their existence (or their greatness, deserved or not). That isn't what drives me. If my body of work is suddenly valuable after my death--or not--it doesn't matter to me one way or another. What matters is the process, the doing of it, the living of it. I'd rather be fully alive while I am alive and not worry about afterwards.

So I may not be any good as an artist, but I have to be an artist.